Daily Dose of Guilt
6:30 AM Atley wakes me persistently demanding his breakfast! Soon after Nash awakens and the fighting commences. I spend my day like most mom’s refereeing, searching for lost toys, and repairing broken ones, picking up messes and more messes, answering a constant barrage of questions from Atley and desperately trying to translate Nash’s language into something coherent. Life is busy and there is always something to do, some task that .JPG)
must be completed, some errand that has to be run, some phone call that has to be made. The day flies by and I find myself counting down the minutes until bedtime when I can finally have a moment’s peace. When that peace finally comes so does the reflection. What did I do of significance that day? Sometimes I am not really sure. I cleaned the house, did another mountain of laundry, bought another gallon of milk, but what will I remember. Most days all I can remember is that I had to say “NO” a lot, m.JPG)
ostly to my boys. I can remember losing my patience and starting to get annoyed at yet another question about airplanes or bodily functions. I can remember that I love my boys but will they remember how much I love them by my actions that day. With all of these things on my mind at the end of any given day, I go into their rooms and see them sleeping silently. I ask myself why didn’t I just read Nash that book even though we had already read it 24 times that morning? Why didn’t I play airport with Atley even though he bosses me around a lot? They are growing up and I pray I won’t regret these hectic days with them. They are angels but sometimes that fact is only recognizable when they are fast asleep. I have to capture those sleeping moments each night to prepare for the next day in the hopes that I will do it better, in the hopes that I will see them as their Heavenly Father sees them. I don’t want to take those waking moments for granted. Watching them sleep in their innocence is my daily dose of guilt but it is good for me. It makes me try harder and dig deeper to be a better mom to these sweet babies. I have a long way to go to become the mother that I believe they deserve but every day I hope I do a little better.
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must be completed, some errand that has to be run, some phone call that has to be made. The day flies by and I find myself counting down the minutes until bedtime when I can finally have a moment’s peace. When that peace finally comes so does the reflection. What did I do of significance that day? Sometimes I am not really sure. I cleaned the house, did another mountain of laundry, bought another gallon of milk, but what will I remember. Most days all I can remember is that I had to say “NO” a lot, m.JPG)
ostly to my boys. I can remember losing my patience and starting to get annoyed at yet another question about airplanes or bodily functions. I can remember that I love my boys but will they remember how much I love them by my actions that day. With all of these things on my mind at the end of any given day, I go into their rooms and see them sleeping silently. I ask myself why didn’t I just read Nash that book even though we had already read it 24 times that morning? Why didn’t I play airport with Atley even though he bosses me around a lot? They are growing up and I pray I won’t regret these hectic days with them. They are angels but sometimes that fact is only recognizable when they are fast asleep. I have to capture those sleeping moments each night to prepare for the next day in the hopes that I will do it better, in the hopes that I will see them as their Heavenly Father sees them. I don’t want to take those waking moments for granted. Watching them sleep in their innocence is my daily dose of guilt but it is good for me. It makes me try harder and dig deeper to be a better mom to these sweet babies. I have a long way to go to become the mother that I believe they deserve but every day I hope I do a little better.
6 comments:
I think you just described a day-in-the-life of all of us at-home moms. Goodness! I completely related to everything you wrote here - including the guilt. They sure are sweet when they're sleeping! Hang in there Melisa! You're an awesome mom!
I love this little blurb, it should be written in a magazine, or framed on a wall somewhere(; You said it all, and it made me feel good knowing I'm not the only mom with those days(: You are wonderful! Miss you!
Hi Melissa. It is Justine (Aarin's friend) from Tucson. I love reading your blog and all your fantastic adventures but this time I just had to comment. What an inspiration this post was to me. First, it let me know that I am not the only one with the guilt and frustrations of daily life. Second, it gave me that push I needed to get out of a rut and try to become a better Mom myself. Thank you. You are truly a wonderful Mom with beautiful children!!
Oh, Melisa when I first read your entry at the end I was like "Amen!" The past 2 weeks with my boys have seem especailly frustrating and all your remarks is what I have been feeling lately. Then reading what other people comment is that were really not alone in our caotic days. I have to admit too I look forward to bedtime some days so I can get my peace like you said but then you start having those feelings like I really should do better with them tomorrow.
Melisa you put in words that sometimes us mothers don't want to admit we go through with our children but they are a gift from God......AMEN! :)
I know exactly how you feel, you just posted what I have wanted to express for a long time. I think that your boys are lucky to have such a good mom!
All I can say is, AMEN! You are great.
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