Definition of Despair

If you all will indulge me for a moment I feel the therapeutic need to write down the events that surrounded my life yesterday.
Morning:
1. Nash is a total grouch because I have to wake him up to take Atley to preschool. I attempt to give him breakfast, but he throws it on the ground and on the walls and on me.
2. Atley cries because he wants to wear his dad's shirt to school. Yes, the shirt is enormous and drags below his feet so this was not gonna happen.
3. After a complete breakdown Nash finally lets me change his morning diaper. When I am finished he happily decides he is going to take it to the trash. He is so helpful. However, Nash has a tendency to get the sink and the trash confused.Unbeknown to me the diaper went into the sink. I pride myself on how incredibly small I can make a dirty diaper before I dispose of it. Apparently, I made this diaper really small and that completely backfired on me because I found pieces of it in our garbage disposal last night. I spent about an hour picking nasty diaper fragments out of the disposal.
4. We dropped Atley off at school and Nash had the day's fourth breakdown, "No, Atley go! No, Atley, go!" It is only 9:00AM!
5. Nash and I spend Atley's school day organizing Atley's room. We sorted all the toys, went through his clothes and removed things that were too small. It was a really big project.
Afternoon:
1. We pick Atley up from school. He says, "Finally, you come get me. This school is longer than church." Then when we get in the car he says, "That school only has one squeaky bike and that crazy teacher made me share it."
2. Trip to the grocery store. In some sort of brotherly spat both of the boys are yelling at each other. Atley attempts to pull Nash out of the cart by his head. Both of my hands are full of groceries and my gentle motherly imploring is unsuccessful, so I am resourceful and use my foot to give Atley a loving kick in the butt. Hey, at least I don't wear steal-toe boots like my dad used to wear. Unfortunately, there was a mean spinster-looking woman in the isle behind me who witnessed the entire incident. She gave me that look that made me terribly afraid that the police would be reviewing the store's surveillance video later that night. If you see me on the news please do not be alarmed.
3. Nap time is attempted and fails with both children!
4. Nash's greatest desire is to look at the fish. Well, the fish is on a high shelf that requires me to hold Nash up for his viewing pleasure. Because of the need I have to use the bathroom at some point during the day, I move the fish to a low shelf so that he can obtain a better view. After returning from the bathroom I discover that Nash has found a straw and is now drinking from the nasty fish bowl. Trust me when I say that "nasty" is an understatement. The bowl has not been cleaned since the flying fish fiasco two weeks ago.
5. I managed to wrestle the straw from him before the phone rang. I answered the phone and forgot all about dear little Jet Plane/Lazarus/our fish, sitting in harms way. But, it only takes a few moments before the fish bowl is shattered all over our kitchen floor and there lay Lazarus once again fighting for his life. This time the blow was almost too much. I had to remove a shard of glass from his side, but he survived and is now happily living in a flower vase on a high shelf.
Evening
6. I thought I had cleaned up all the debris from the fish bowl incident but while walking through the kitchen later that evening and stepping on a piece of glass I realized I was wrong. I attempted to retrieve the vacuum from the closet but the closet door was stuck. I tugged harder, so hard in fact that the door knob came off in my hand and I ended up on my behind on the floor. Perhaps I didn't need a vacuum, I decided the broom would be best. I took the boys up to Atley's room to keep them out of harm's way to finish cleaning the glass. Thirty seconds later I heard laughing that could only indicate mischief. When I went to Atley's room there were no children. I found them on the tread mill in my room. Atley stands at the top manually moving the belt with his feet while Nash attempts to climb to Atley before he slides off the end. This might be funny but we have already had a near fatal treadmill accident in which Atley shot off the back of the machine at a very high rate of speed.
7. I took the boys back to Atley's recently tidied room to finish the glass clean up down stairs. After an absence of five minutes I return to Atley's room and find this disaster.

8. In complete despair I put the boys in the tub, which they hate, and Nash precedes to stand up and pee directly into Atley's eye. Apparently, pee in the eye stings because Atley totally freaked out and fell out of the bathtub. At this point I had had enough and put them both in bed.
9. I took a Tylenol PM and slept soundly until 3AM when I woke up to Atley's face 3 cm. from my own saying, "You snore mommy!"