Wednesday, March 25, 2009


We disappeared for a few weeks into a dreary little black hole called moving, but we are emerging a little tired and finally all settled in our new home. We finally have our Internet service connected and I feel like I can now reconnect with the outside world. Here are some updates:

*Thanks to all who helped with our move! We owe you big time!

*So far the boys have survived the new pool. KNOCK ON WOOD! In fact, Scott is the only one who has accidentally fallen. The pool cover held his weight so we feel a lot safer when the boys play outside. Thanks for your spastic experiment honey, I sleep more soundly knowing our boys won't be falling ten feet into a concrete pit. Although we know Atley could probably survive. Please keep them in your prayers especially when summer comes, the pool cover comes off, and the pool is filled with water.

*The weather is still miserably cold. My how I miss Arizona in the winter, but the boys are enjoying the hot tub. Atley claims this is the new houses best feature by far.

*I thought when we moved that I would just remove Atley from preschool and we could just hang out and have fun together. What I did not realize is that when I signed him up for school I was actually selling his soul to the devil-well not really. I was just obligating myself to pay for the entire year whether he attends or not. So, I am now spending two hours in the car driving him to preschool and back because if I am paying for it, he is going to go! It is really lame. Today I was super tired and trying to hurry him up the stairs at his school. In the middle of the crowded hall he turns around and yells at me, "Sometimes I feel just like a piece of meat!" Everyone laughed. I turned red! Despite the fact that most of the mother's at the school think I am a terrible mother we had a great time at the Family Fun Night last week. The highlight was meeting Curious George.

*Never say never! Problems with our other car encouraged us to buy another one, a mini-van no less. I have mixed emotions about succumbing to the Mormon Mini-Van Movement. I swore I would never drive a mini-van and a few days after we bought it I felt a mini-mid-life crisis coming on, but it is so much easier getting the boys in and out and hauling their stuff around. I don't know why I didn't give in sooner. MINI-VANS are soooo COOL! I am just not very cool anymore!

*Nash is obsessed with being tickled. He likes his belly rubbed just like a puppy. In fact, the puppy similarities don't stop there-he also poops and pees on the floor like a dog too. After being tickled for quite sometime the other day he decided to return the favor and tickle my tummy. He lifted my shirt and got an unmistakeably disgusted look on his face. He exclaimed, "Oh, nasty. Mommy broken." Yes, Nash those are stretch marks and scars and you and Atley are primarily responsible for the nastiness. Thanks Buddy!

*Last but not least we made the trek up to Philadelphia to watch the BYU Cougars play against Texas A&M in the NCAA tournament. We were so excited. But, the excitement pretty much ended after our first cheese steak, because by then we were getting slaughtered. It was very sad. We looked so little and well, white! We didn't have a chance!

Friday, March 13, 2009

At least they're funny!

Okay, mom's, have you ever noticed that when you have the most to accomplish your kids are usually the naughtiest? This, my week full of moving stress, has been no exception. My boys have been the epitome of naughtiness. But, they have also made me laugh. Well, except when Nash took a sheet of sand paper to the side of Scott's relatively new truck and scratched the heck out of it. I suppose we were never meant to have nice things, that is why God sent us children instead. It also wasn't funny when Nash tried to flush a diaper down the toilet. We didn't realize he had done this until Atley started talking about building an ark and calling Noah and Scott saw water rushing over the top of the garage on the outside of the house. We had quite the little flood. Anyhow, here is a list of some of the funny sayings and happenings from this past week.

1. Last night around 10PM I hear Nash yell, "Momma, Coming!" That is how Nash tells me he needs me. It is also code word for, "Mom I made a huge mess and you have to see how awesome it is!" I raced upstairs, thinking he should have been asleep for hours by now and find that he had dumped the contents of his humidifier all over the floor and all over himself. But, before I could get angry at him he says. "I bad momma. I'm a mean baby." Yes, you are a mean baby, Nash!

2. I picked Atley up from school yesterday and asked him how his day went. He seemed more serious than usually when he says, "Purple really shouldn't be your favorite color mom." I reply, "Why is that Atley?" He says, "Because purple is the saddest color. It's the color they dressed Jesus in when he was crucified. It is a horrible color." Did I mention he attends a Methodist Preschool and that he is four? My response, "I guess you are right." His response, "Have you ever been crucified mom?" I say, "No, Atley I haven't." His reply, "Well, you better hope it never happens to you because getting nailed to anything wouldn't be fun." "No, Atley you are right, that was a really bad thing that happened." "Yeah, but don't worry mom. It ends happy. Jesus came back to life pretty fast."

3. At breakfast Nash asked for seconds and Atley told him, "No, Nash you have had sufficient for your needs."

4. Wednesday, Atley wanted to wear a dirty shirt to school. I told him that he couldn't that his clothes should look nice and clean. His response to this information, "Oh, come on mom, relax. Everyone knows it is not the type of clothes a person wears that matters, it is what is on the inside that counts." I don't know who is teaching him that nonsense. (insert smiley face here)


Tuesday, March 10, 2009

10 Times in 10 Years

In April Scott and I will celebrate our 10th anniversary. Where does the time go? Well, I can tell you that in our marriage most of our time has been spent packing and unpacking because in less than 10 years we are moving for the 10th time. No, Scott is not in the military although that might be easier, after all they do get professional movers. Then again Scott and I are practically professionals with all of the practice we have had.
We are just moving to another D.C. neighborhood, nothing drastic this time. Why are we going? Atley starts kindergarten in the fall and making sure that he is in a good school is suddenly a huge life priority. Kids really do change everything. I think teaching in the public schools made me overly concerned, okay paranoid, about what schools my children attend. But, we are excited about the opportunities Atley is going to have. He will be at a gifted school, which is absolutely terrifying, especially since one mother told me that some of the first graders are already reading Harry Potter. INSANE! The new house is also closer to D.C. Instead of 7 miles out we are now 4 miles from downtown. These are the positive things about moving that I keep reminding myself about as I pack another one of the hundreds of boxes that will be moved this weekend. I'll post pictures of the new place when I get a chance and of course when our Internet is working again. We hope this move will be more permanent for us (that means at least three years in Butler language). By the way if anyone finds moving a lot of furniture up and down a lot of stairs their idea of a good time, have I got an opportunity for you!

Just for fun I thought I would post a chronology of all of our moving adventures during the past 10 years.

April 1999-Moved into first apartment at Wyview in Provo
August 1999-Moved to second apartment in Provo
April 2000-Moved to third apartment, back to Wyview in Provo
August 2001-Moved to Heber City, Utah
May 2002-Moved to Peachtree City, GA-lived with the in-laws
September 2002-Moved to first home in Fayetteville, GA
January 2005-Moved to apartment in Oro Valley, AZ
November 2005-Moved to our second home in Tucson, AZ
October 2007-Moved to Falls Church, VA
March 2009- Moved to McLean, VA

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

My Favorite Things

I usually don't watch Oprah, but one episode I never miss is her annual "Favorite Things" show. This show is a consumer's dream. Oprah tells America all about her favorite products and gives her audience free samples galore. Unfortunately, I waited eagerly all summer and most of the fall just to have her announce that she was not going to do a "Favorite Things" show because of the difficult economy, like we really need one of the richest women in America to remind us how crappy the economy has become. I decided I was going to do my own blogger version of my Favorite Things and 5 months later I am getting around to doing that. My purpose is two-fold. First, I hope that my lack of class and style will motivate Oprah by showing her how desperately we need her to contiue with her "Favorite Things." Women still need to look at pretty clothes when the economy sucks. Second, I really need to be packing for next week's move but I am trying to avoid it at all costs.
So here it is, Melisa's favorite things for 2009:

I have tried more expensive cleansers, night creams and daily facial lotion, but I can't find anything better or more affordable than Olay Regenerist. I use the night cream, the cleansing cloths, and the regenerist daily moisturizer under my make up. I think it is great.

What would life be without music! My IPOD is my favorite gadget of the century! I have about 1000 songs and I listen all the time.

YOGA! It might be the only thing that keeps me from being institutionalized.

This make-up, Cover Girl Olay, is pretty new to the market and I skeptically gave it a try. I was hoping I would love it because it is so much cheaper than what I usually use, Clinque Superbalanced Foundation. It is fabulous and it only costs $13. Can't beat that!

It is a rare thing to buy an album and love every song on it, but all four of The Killers albums are full of my favorite songs. Their music gets me pumped when I need to run, makes me happy when I'm down, mellows me out when I'm hyped up, and pretty much fulfills all of my musical needs. LOVE THEM!!

Best fragrance on the market and I am pretty picky about my fragrance. Most perfume makes me nauseas after about an hour, but I could eat this stuff. It's not too expensive but I only buy the sample or travel sized bottles because they are easier to purchase than paying for the big bottles.

My husband told me that Bath and Body Works was going out of business, so I immediately went and bought 30 bottles of Cucumber Melon and Freshwater Cucumber Lotions. I couldn't imagine life without my favorite lotion. However, they weren't going out of business, lucky for me there was a great sale and I only paid $2 a bottle. Now I have my lifetime supply.

SCARVES!!! What a great accessorie. In the words of my sister-in-law, "Scarves make it look like you put effort and thought into your outfit, even if you didn't." I couldn't agree more.

Shutterfly is a great site that I use to create my scrapbooks from digital photos. I also think it is less expensive than traditional books because there is no need to purchase paper or all of the other items you need to make the pages cute. Shutterfly always has tons of layouts, colors, and designs.

White T-Shirts are essential to survival,right? I prefer the Hanes Premium V-Neck, for men size small. They are comfortable, fit great, and they are only $9.99 for a three pack.

Hands down the best mascara on the market at any price, and I have tried hundreds!

I hope this trend never goes out of style. I love brooches. I think they add another dimension to any old boring shirt. They make your look complete with little effort.

I know there are some critics of IKEA in the world, but those people just haven't accumulated enough junk to need IKEA in their life. I love their organizational items especially for kids rooms. They make clean-up time almost bearable.

So, think of these as an investment! Yeah, they are a little expensive but they are sooooo worth it! You will never want to wear another shoe once you have owned a pair of UGGS! They make life meaningful.

These are my very favorite magazines. They are full of ideas for families and offer great advice for mom's too!

Okay! So, I don't actually own the North Face Denali jacket, but I want it really badly! I try it on everytime I go to the mall, but I just haven't been able to bring myself to fork out the dough. The truth is it is a little too much dough, but I am waiting patiently for an end of season sale!

Everyone likes to have their house smell good and I have spent a small fortune on candles that will do this for my home! But, none have worked as well as this $2.99 Apple Cinnamon Candle from Glade. The best part, you can buy it at any grocery or drug store!

This is a really cool invention. It is a hair refresher or I like to call it SHAMPOWDER! If you don't have time or just don't like to wash your hair everyday, you just sprinkle a little of this powder on your scalp and it removes the excess oil and makes your hair smell pretty too!

My favorite jeans are those old American Classics-LEVI'S! But, I only buy men's sizes. They are more specific about waist and length measurement and I like that. Just remember the men's jeans also display the size on the back! Gotta scratch that out fast! (Note: I also wear women's clothes)

Sunday, March 1, 2009


So, I have this paranoia problem. I have had it for as long as I can remember. Once when I was about six and staying at my grandparents I got a little piece of popcorn kernel stuck in my throat. I was sure that the popcorn kernel was slowly suffocating me. I was so frustrated that no one would believe me when I explained that I was dying a slow and agonizing death. Miraculously the popcorn kernel removed itself and I felt better the next day.

I have thought about seeing a psychologist for my little disorder but I'm sure he or she would just tell me to project the blame on something my parent's did horribly wrong during my childhood. And really the only thing I can think of that might have contributed to my issue was allowing me to watch a "G" rated Dudley Moore movie about a little girl who died from Leukemia. I am still sure every suspicious bruise is a tell-tale sign of the dreaded disease. I could tell a million stories about having heart attacks, (kinda like Fred Sanford) as a kid, they occurred on the play ground at least once a week. My friends thought I was genuinely disturbed.

Anyway, you would think that this paranoia problem would have subsided a little during adulthood, but no, I am still afraid to eat hot dogs alone because of the common knowledge that hot dogs are the number one choking hazard in small children. And of course now I not only have myself to be paranoid about I have my kids too. TV shows like House, 24, and websites like WebMD haven't helped either. They have just created a more sophisticated paranoia problem. One day while Scott was at work he accidentally called me on his cell phone. I knew it was him because of our caller ID and I could faintly recognize his voice in the background. I was convinced he was trying to send me some secret message. What was I supposed to get out of this coded correspondence? What did he need me to do? Just before I decided to call the FBI and the National Guard and explain to them my belief that my husband had been abducted by a Mexican Drug Cartel while working near the Mexico/Arizona border, he came home. Thank goodness that would have been embarrassing.

The thing is I am finding people don't take me seriously anymore, like my doctor when Nash was born. I kept telling him that I couldn't breathe. His excuse was that if I was talking I was obviously breathing. Well, I wasn't buying that bag of bologna. Apparently I was one of those rare people who could talk even though they were not able to breathe. I won that battle, they gave me an oxygen mask. In an effort to be taken seriously, my goal in writing tonight is to describe the advantages of having paranoia.

First, I honestly believe that people who are paranoid have advanced intelligence. Trust, me anyone who can create the catastrophic scenarios I can create in my mind, is off the charts creative. We are talking beyond genius!

Second, as a mother I can imagine every possible dangerous situation my children can get into. Of course, this knowledge doesn't always enable me to prevent these incidents from occurring, but I think it helps sometimes. In fact, I am sure if it wasn't for a mother's paranoid delusions a lot more kids would die. I mean, men could never think of this horrible stuff.

Finally, if you are ever in a sticky situation, you want to be with me, because I go into every setting and think of the worst possible thing that could happen and what my escape strategy would be. Do you do that? No, I didn't think so, but aren't you glad someone does.

I hope I have convinced you all of the value of a paranoid person in your life. If you lack this tremendous quality, cling to someone like me who possesses enough paranoia for all to share. I can assure you it will be very beneficial.