Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Oh, PLEASE-Today's Soapbox

There is a letter circulating on the Internet entitled: "Dear IPhone Mom".  I am going to paraphrase it's contents. 
Dear IPhone Mom.  I am sure you are a really fantastic mother.  Your kids have great manners, but as I observe you here at the park I am noticing you looking at your phone a lot.  When your son asks you to watch him do a trick on the monkey bars you just glance in his direction and say great job.  When your daughter asks you to watch how her dress twirls, you smile and tell her she is pretty and then put your head down to look at your phone again. Also, while you are pushing your baby on the swing you aren't even noticing all of the giggles and smiles. Maybe you should put your phone down and drink in these moments. They won't last forever. 
Okay, I am fully aware that perhaps we should unplug a little more than we do, but I take issue with this "article" on so many levels.
1. This was either written by a woman who is jealous that she doesn' t have an IPhone or a woman who doesn't have children, or a woman who has so much mommy guilt she feels it her duty to inflict as much pain and judgement on other mother's as possible.
2.  Or this was written by a man who only spends 6 hours a week with his children and therefore can devote every waking moment to praising and smiling at them. Not to mention he probably thinks everything they do is AMAZING because he hardly sees them. But, can we be honest for a moment. Most of the things the kids do are not all that amazing.  It's difficult to keep feigning excitement over the quarter inch vertical leap of your 2 year old.
3. Dear Creepy Person Watching me on my Phone, Is my time on the IPhone more or less productive than your time watching me watch my phone and then writing an article about it?
4.  Do we really have to praise every single dress twirl and every move on the monkey bars? Seems to me like giving kids that much attention could very well lead to exhibitionist type behavior in the future. Can you spell POLE DANCER? Just saying.
5. How can the writer even know what the IPhone mom is doing on her phone. Isn't he or she jumping to conclusions about the mother's selfishness.  Perhaps she is posting a photo collage of the swinging baby, twirling girl, and climbing boy on Instagram. Or perhaps she is researching preschool themes for the letter "X" on Pinterest in preparation for her turn to teach at her son's co-op. Or maybe she is registering her daughter for violin lessons at the rec center.  Or maybe her husband is in Afghanistan and she is trying to get him on Skype so that he can watch his twirling, monkey, swingers.  Or what if this mom really needed a break because she only got 2 hours of sleep the night before.  I'm just wondering if the author ever spent 5 hours crammed into an airplane row with a child with ADHD, another with Strep, and another with diarrhea so bad the plane will have to be fumigated if it ever lands.  I've been there, therefore I do not judge you IPhone Mom. In fact, you are my hero. Kudos for multi-tasking. I usually just turn on the TV, at least your kids are getting fresh air.
6. Finally, if we are going to be condemned for playing on our phones while at the park with the kids-what's next- no texting while driving.  This is America people!


Melinda said...

Hahaha, love it.

Amber Brown said...

Amen. I hate that stupid post. And pretty much every 'savor every moment' thing going around. People who write that stuff either don't know or forget how hard it is to have little kids. We don't need one more reason to feel guilty. It's life in the trenches. You do what you have to do to survive.

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