Saturday, August 11, 2012

Tuesday I ate a pooped covered peanut...

and that was the best part of my day. 
Sometimes I serve as the garbage disposal for my kids leftover/spilled food. They don't finish their dinner, I pick at it as I carry the dishes to the sink.  They spill gold fish on the floor I help them pick up by popping a few in my mouth as we work.  I can say with surety that I am now cured of this disgusting habit.  Harley had been eating trail mix all morning. Trail mix is her food of the month. She was carrying around her little bowl while peanuts, M&M's and raisins were falling out here and there.  Then she pooped and I took her upstairs to change her diaper.  In her diaper was several poop covered peanuts.  I am sorry if you are disgusted, but it gets worse.  Apparently, one rolled out of her diaper and onto the floor amidst other pieces of trail mix during the changing process. Being the garbage disposal I am, I bent down to pick up the pieces of mix from my floor and I shoved a raisiny-looking peanut into my mouth only to realize it was not a raisiny peanut, but a pooped covered peanut.  I ran to the bathroom spit, gagged, brushed my teeth twice and then rinsed with Phineas and Ferb mouthwash 14 times. 
On this very day I was commissioned to make dinner for Scott's boss who was coming over that evening.  I was a little stressed trying to make everything perfect.  About 30 minutes before the boss's arrival Harley had a break down that required constant holding. I banished the boys to the basement and they were only there for a few minutes when I heard a crash followed by screaming.  It was Atley, which immediately sent panic through my entire body.  Atley's pain tolerance is out of this world so when he cries, it is serious.  I put Harley down who began bawling all over again and rushed down the stairs. I found Harley's rocking horse looking like this:

and my 8 year old writhing in pain on the floor telling me that his back was broken. Well, it wasn't broken but he was bruised up pretty bad and there was a little blood. Why was he riding the horse? I may never know.

Okay, 10 minutes until dinner and I still needed to make a salad and load the dishwasher, all while holding my 2 year old and applying ice to the back of my oldest.  It was at this moment that Nash decided to pull a genuinely bone head move. 
"Mom, I have a LEGO stuck up my nose!" 
Ah, and there was Scott and his boss-EARLY!
 The LEGO would have to wait.  We survived dinner with only a few embarrassing moments-like Atley saying:
"My mom told us that if we didn't behave you were going to fire my dad and we were going to be homeless. Don't you think that's a little harsh."
Dinner was over, the boss was gone.
Now we had to deal with the LEGO.  We tried to reach it with a flashlight and tweezers, I gave him a sinus rinse, we even plugged the opposite nostril and blew into his mouth as hard as we could.  Well, with only one option left, I was with Nash in the emergency room, preparing myself for a $3000 hospital bill over a LEGO up the nose.

The doctor's couldn't reach it either and I was certain we were facing surgery to remove it from his sinuses, when Nash said, "I think it just went down my throat and into my stomach." My thought, "Whatever! You are just being a chicken!"  But, X-Ray's proved him right, he sucked it down his throat and into his belly. By the way, just in case you are wondering,  I can guarantee I won't mistakenly put a poop covered LEGO in my mouth.


Melinda said...

There are no words... you need a TV show.

Shannon said...

You have the funniest life of anyone I know in the entire world. I am laughing so hard that I am crying right now. Best blog I read, hands down, is yours. :)